Tired of the same old arguments? Now is the time to register for the Language of Life Workshop. It is a five week series offering a comprehensive introduction to Nonviolent Communication. Five consecutive Tuesday evenings, beginning January 10, you can begin to learn how to take more control of how you experience your relationship to everything! Follow the link below.
http://www.getbacktolife.org/services/workshops/index.php#LanguageofLife
Monday, December 5, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Language of Life Workshop in Oakland, California!
I am so excited to be sharing Nonviolent Communication in my Network colleague, Dr Jane Arzt's office. I'll be teaching at the Vitality Center in Oakland, California. The workshop begins Friday evening, October 7, and continues Saturday, October 8 and Sunday, October 9. It is called Language of Life, and it is a comprehensive introduction to Nonviolent Communication. Please call to register: 510-654-1480. Click below for details.
Language of Life Workshop information link
See you there!
Language of Life Workshop information link
See you there!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Wellness. Really?
I just caught a commercial for Dayquil on television. It stars the quarterback of the last Superbowl Championship team New Orleans, Drew Brees, and his wife. I can (with a lot of mindfulness) make peace with superstars selling pharmaceuticals. Maybe Drew Brees does believe that Dayquil is indeed beneficial. I can also understand people leveraging their star power for financial security even if they don't particularly believe in the products they endorse.
In this particular commercial, Mrs. Brees is suggesting to her husband that he buy Dayquil and Nyquil now, before he gets sick, so he won't have to go out when he isn't feeling well. When he argues that he will be fine, she mocks his capacity to make good choices. He is, after all, still wearing his Superbowl t-shirt a year later.
The tag line on this commercial is "Walgreens, the way to stay well."
Augh. Really? What part of buying cold medicine helps you stay well? This message is suggesting that we concern ourselves with an illness we don't have. Which is not living in the present, enjoying the moment. The focus of our attention is not on anything real, it is on some imagined illness. And making decisions based on this imagining. In this scenario, we would likely buy lots of medicines just in case we got something. Come to think of it, that is exactly what our 'health care' system models. Good thinking and good business for the pharmaceutical industry. Not necessarily good for humans' well-being. And I'm not convinced this is the best way to use our imagination.
Back to the commercial. The idea presented is when we do get sick, this product will help us stay well. What this product does is cover up our symptoms. Again, the suggestion is to not be present to what our body is telling us that moment.
Symptoms are the mechanism in humans to signal whether or not we are doing life right. They tell us whether our needs are or are not being met. If we can feel what's happening, we can take the appropriate action the body is calling for us to do. Rest, for example. If we take something that inhibits the body's natural path to shedding toxins, the immune system is rendered impotent (or worse). The short and long term effects of taking medication can be damaging to the body's ability to determine accurately what it is supposed to do. Taking medication of any kind is serious business. Insert big words here about TH1 cell mediated response vs. TH2 humoral response. It is quite complicated. I'm concerned about people making these decisions based on 30 second commercials.
Back to the idea of staying well. In my view, neither worrying about the future, no taking medication that masks our capacity to interpret the signals designed to get our attention, is staying well. It may let you do more of the things you want to do, (or don't want to do -- like go to work). It may make you feel more comfortable in the moment. It is not making you stay well. More likely, the opposite is true.
One more thing. I don't like the common theme on television of men being portrayed incapable and underachievers while their women are stuck putting up with them. This kind of thinking and language represents to me another way we are not well. The ability to have healthy relationships, thinking and speaking well of and to each other -- or not, is just another symptom, indicating we need change in our lives.
Ok, Walgreen, sell your wares. Ok, do it using language and images that damage the facade of healthy relating. Just don't say it is the way to stay well.
In this particular commercial, Mrs. Brees is suggesting to her husband that he buy Dayquil and Nyquil now, before he gets sick, so he won't have to go out when he isn't feeling well. When he argues that he will be fine, she mocks his capacity to make good choices. He is, after all, still wearing his Superbowl t-shirt a year later.
The tag line on this commercial is "Walgreens, the way to stay well."
Augh. Really? What part of buying cold medicine helps you stay well? This message is suggesting that we concern ourselves with an illness we don't have. Which is not living in the present, enjoying the moment. The focus of our attention is not on anything real, it is on some imagined illness. And making decisions based on this imagining. In this scenario, we would likely buy lots of medicines just in case we got something. Come to think of it, that is exactly what our 'health care' system models. Good thinking and good business for the pharmaceutical industry. Not necessarily good for humans' well-being. And I'm not convinced this is the best way to use our imagination.
Back to the commercial. The idea presented is when we do get sick, this product will help us stay well. What this product does is cover up our symptoms. Again, the suggestion is to not be present to what our body is telling us that moment.
Symptoms are the mechanism in humans to signal whether or not we are doing life right. They tell us whether our needs are or are not being met. If we can feel what's happening, we can take the appropriate action the body is calling for us to do. Rest, for example. If we take something that inhibits the body's natural path to shedding toxins, the immune system is rendered impotent (or worse). The short and long term effects of taking medication can be damaging to the body's ability to determine accurately what it is supposed to do. Taking medication of any kind is serious business. Insert big words here about TH1 cell mediated response vs. TH2 humoral response. It is quite complicated. I'm concerned about people making these decisions based on 30 second commercials.
Back to the idea of staying well. In my view, neither worrying about the future, no taking medication that masks our capacity to interpret the signals designed to get our attention, is staying well. It may let you do more of the things you want to do, (or don't want to do -- like go to work). It may make you feel more comfortable in the moment. It is not making you stay well. More likely, the opposite is true.
One more thing. I don't like the common theme on television of men being portrayed incapable and underachievers while their women are stuck putting up with them. This kind of thinking and language represents to me another way we are not well. The ability to have healthy relationships, thinking and speaking well of and to each other -- or not, is just another symptom, indicating we need change in our lives.
Ok, Walgreen, sell your wares. Ok, do it using language and images that damage the facade of healthy relating. Just don't say it is the way to stay well.
Friday, October 22, 2010
What's Wrong with Right & Wrong
The last time I was in a meeting with a group of people, one person (emphatically) offered an opinion of what next steps we should take on a project. Almost instantly, the energy in the room changed. An awkward quiet descended and the air whooshed out of the room. Why? It turns out that others in the room had quite a different opinion. So what?
What happens when someone says something we disagree with? Why do we get so upset? If we were to interpret the bodily sensations in that moment, we could come to the conclusion that our life is in danger. The moment our body interprets danger signals, a sequence of biochemical events occur that make it increasingly difficult to think clearly. Then we decide to say something. Oops!
Most of us, when we are in distress will attempt to feel better. As Thich Naht Hanh might say, we mistakenly believe that something outside of us (in this case, the person with the different opinion) caused our suffering. With that belief, mixed with the chemicals flowing through our body (mistakenly) screaming that we aren't safe, we determine that other person is our enemy and we must kill them off. Effectively, we decide that we are right and they are wrong. Some folks do this externally by arguing or screaming, defending their point of view. Others internalize their thoughts, deciding it is much safer just to believe they are right without offering their point of view to anyone. In both cases, the tension between the people increases and connection decreases.
The problem when discussing opinions is there can not be a right or wrong. Opinions and judgments are quite personal. We can spend many hours, days, or longer trying to convince someone of our point of view, most often with no success. Because they are doing the same. What's the alternative? Imagine how wonderful life would be if you could just enjoy someone else's opinion no matter how it related to your own. Not only is it possible, it is simple.
Next time you feel upset about something someone just said or did, take a moment to notice what is going on for you. Notice your breath and other bodily sensations like your heartbeat. Then notice your emotions, specifically notice what you are feeling. Are you disappointed, nervous, frustrated? And finally, notice your thoughts. Your thoughts (judgments) will set you free if you let them. What are your thoughts saying to you? If you don't like what the other person said or did, then you must be valuing something that you think their idea contradicts. Put your attention on what is important to you in that moment.
When you understand what the need is that you are concerned about, you will be able to talk about it. You will be able to tell your colleague (friend, spouse, parent or anyone) what made you nervous or frustrated about what they said. More importantly, you can make a suggestion about how you may incorporate the values you have in mind in the situation being discussed. Your negotiation will be about something real, meaning how you feel, what stimulated the feeling(s), and what you want, rather than who is right and who is wrong.
What happens when someone says something we disagree with? Why do we get so upset? If we were to interpret the bodily sensations in that moment, we could come to the conclusion that our life is in danger. The moment our body interprets danger signals, a sequence of biochemical events occur that make it increasingly difficult to think clearly. Then we decide to say something. Oops!
Most of us, when we are in distress will attempt to feel better. As Thich Naht Hanh might say, we mistakenly believe that something outside of us (in this case, the person with the different opinion) caused our suffering. With that belief, mixed with the chemicals flowing through our body (mistakenly) screaming that we aren't safe, we determine that other person is our enemy and we must kill them off. Effectively, we decide that we are right and they are wrong. Some folks do this externally by arguing or screaming, defending their point of view. Others internalize their thoughts, deciding it is much safer just to believe they are right without offering their point of view to anyone. In both cases, the tension between the people increases and connection decreases.
The problem when discussing opinions is there can not be a right or wrong. Opinions and judgments are quite personal. We can spend many hours, days, or longer trying to convince someone of our point of view, most often with no success. Because they are doing the same. What's the alternative? Imagine how wonderful life would be if you could just enjoy someone else's opinion no matter how it related to your own. Not only is it possible, it is simple.
Next time you feel upset about something someone just said or did, take a moment to notice what is going on for you. Notice your breath and other bodily sensations like your heartbeat. Then notice your emotions, specifically notice what you are feeling. Are you disappointed, nervous, frustrated? And finally, notice your thoughts. Your thoughts (judgments) will set you free if you let them. What are your thoughts saying to you? If you don't like what the other person said or did, then you must be valuing something that you think their idea contradicts. Put your attention on what is important to you in that moment.
When you understand what the need is that you are concerned about, you will be able to talk about it. You will be able to tell your colleague (friend, spouse, parent or anyone) what made you nervous or frustrated about what they said. More importantly, you can make a suggestion about how you may incorporate the values you have in mind in the situation being discussed. Your negotiation will be about something real, meaning how you feel, what stimulated the feeling(s), and what you want, rather than who is right and who is wrong.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Language of Life Workshop -- Two Days - Two Ways!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
9:00am til noon
Nonviolent Communication Basics
This Saturday we will begin to explore the basics on Nonviolent Communication. We will discuss the four components (observations, feelings, needs, requests) and the two parts (expressing honestly and listening empathetically). We will also talk about communication that blocks compassion.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
9:00am til noon
NVC in Action
This Saturday is dedicated to creative practices to help us to remember why we are interested in nonviolent communication and how to do it even when relationships get difficult. There will be time dedicated for those interested to practice using NVC consciousness in situations direct from their own lives.
Cost: $30.00 per workshop, $50.00 if you register for both.
9:00am til noon
Nonviolent Communication Basics
This Saturday we will begin to explore the basics on Nonviolent Communication. We will discuss the four components (observations, feelings, needs, requests) and the two parts (expressing honestly and listening empathetically). We will also talk about communication that blocks compassion.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
9:00am til noon
NVC in Action
This Saturday is dedicated to creative practices to help us to remember why we are interested in nonviolent communication and how to do it even when relationships get difficult. There will be time dedicated for those interested to practice using NVC consciousness in situations direct from their own lives.
Cost: $30.00 per workshop, $50.00 if you register for both.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Language of Life Workshop -- Two Days - Two Ways!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
9:00am til noon
Nonviolent Communication Basics
This Saturday we will begin to explore the basics on Nonviolent Communication. We will discuss the four components (observations, feelings, needs, requests) and the two parts (expressing honestly and listening empathetically). We will also talk about communication that blocks compassion.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
9:00am til noon
NVC in Action
This Saturday is dedicated to creative practices to help us to remember why we are interested in nonviolent communication and how to do it even when relationships get difficult. There will be time dedicated for those interested to practice using NVC consciousness in situations direct from their own lives.
Cost: $30.00 per workshop, $50.00 if you register for both.
9:00am til noon
Nonviolent Communication Basics
This Saturday we will begin to explore the basics on Nonviolent Communication. We will discuss the four components (observations, feelings, needs, requests) and the two parts (expressing honestly and listening empathetically). We will also talk about communication that blocks compassion.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
9:00am til noon
NVC in Action
This Saturday is dedicated to creative practices to help us to remember why we are interested in nonviolent communication and how to do it even when relationships get difficult. There will be time dedicated for those interested to practice using NVC consciousness in situations direct from their own lives.
Cost: $30.00 per workshop, $50.00 if you register for both.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
New Video on Network Care!!
Check out this video! It was produced by my friend Dr. Jane Arzt at The Vitality Center in Oakland, California. It highlights some of the wonderful benefits that Network Care practice members see in their lives. Click here to watch.
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