What Difference Does it Make?

While doing errands recently, I found myself behind an SUV on a fairly busy street.  I was talking with a good friend on the phone and I watched a wrapper (gum?  candy?) fly out the window.

I said to my friend on the phone, “Someone just threw a candy wrapper out the window”.  It was obvious to both of us that what I didn’t say was my thought, “What a jerk!  That person is the cause of many of the problems the world faces.  Litterer!”  I am fairly confident that in a span of 20 seconds, even more ‘jackal’ thoughts whizzed through my mind.

My friend said, almost immediately, “Oh, they must have precious needs for ease and cleanliness.”  In an instant I got that in 30 seconds the quality of my life changed.

The one thing we have control over is our thoughts.  And the quality of our lives is directly related to what we put our attention on.  In the minutes after I watched the wrapper come out of the auto in front of me, I became unhappy, feeling almost hopeless and helpless about the state of the world, and aggravated with the unknown person in front of me.

Certainly I have precious needs for care, compassion, beauty and a healthy planet.  So seeing the wrapper come out the driver’s window stimulated pain for me.  Had I focused immediately on these precious needs, a few things might have happened.  Those 30 seconds to one minute might have been less stressful on my body (stress state = physical inflammation, more on this in another blog).  I might have come up with a strategy to have those needs met.  For example, I might have immediately thought ‘I am going to plant something to offset the trash, or possibly decided that I am going to sweep up the trash from my street’.  Those moments of aggravation didn’t allow for the creativity necessary to meet my own needs. 

Had I connected to my own needs, and been curious about the possible needs for the person in the car, then had we somehow engaged in conversation, there would be an increased likelihood that I might say something that was connecting.  In my jackal thoughts, I think either my words or energy or both would have indicated to that person that I thought they were a jerk, and likely they would defend, get angry back at me, and you can imagine the rest.  Nothing inspiring to me.

So what difference does it make what I think?

1.  The quality of my health.

2.  The possibility of connection with another human living life here with me.

3.  Having the creativity to actually get my needs met.

Say This Not That. 

Read a few of these and notice how you feel (emotions and in your body) when each giraffe and jackal thought.  See if you can notice a difference.

 

1.  She is so selfish, and doesn’t care about anyone but herself.  vs.  I so appreciate that she is confident in her choices and has the capacity to ask for what she wants. 

2.  What a stupid question, why are they wasting my time in this class.  vs.  This seems so difficult for them, I wonder what is in the way of them understanding what is being taught.

3.  He always is taking over the meetings, talking too much.  vs.  He seems to care so much about our project.  I think I connect more to him to see what meaning it has for him.

Try this! 

Next time you find yourself judging whether someone or something is good or bad, or right or wrong, consider the impact on your life.   See if you can translate your judgmental thoughts into the precious needs that are causing your own distress.